


put your body next to mine and dream on

by escapismandsharpobjects



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, FebuWhump2021, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Insomnia, Post-Episode: s03e15 Eddie Begins, chris is mentioned too but he's not There, firefam - Freeform, it doesn't Have to be read that way but that is what i intended, pre-Buddie
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-06
Updated: 2021-02-06
Packaged: 2021-03-18 18:34:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,839
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29248107
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/escapismandsharpobjects/pseuds/escapismandsharpobjects
Summary: febuwhump day 6: insomnia.In the wake of it, Eddie hasn’t been able to sleep. He’s tried and tried, but the second he falls asleep he’s back underground choking on mud and fighting for his life and that on its own is more exhausting than simply not sleeping, so he doesn’t. He doesn’t sleep if he can help it, and he feels like shit because of it, but it’s better than the nightmares, it’s better than dying every night.
Relationships: Eddie Diaz & Henrietta "Hen" Wilson, Eddie Diaz & Howie "Chimney" Han (9-1-1 TV), Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV) & Bobby Nash, Evan "Buck" Buckley & Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 48





	put your body next to mine and dream on

**Author's Note:**

> hi!! this was. surprisingly easy to write. consequently it could be good or it could maybe suck. idk. but i enjoyed writing it!! so i hope you enjoy reading it!!  
> title from handle with care by the traveling wilburys

In the wake of it, Eddie hasn’t been able to sleep. He’s tried and tried, but the second he falls asleep he’s back underground choking on mud and fighting for his life and that on its own is more exhausting than simply not sleeping, so he doesn’t. He doesn’t sleep if he can help it, and he feels like shit because of it, but it’s better than the nightmares, it’s better than dying every night.

He hasn’t slept more than an hour in days. Weeks, maybe. He’s been doing his best to appear normal, but it’s exhausting. He’s tried to hide it in front of Chris, especially, not wanting him to worry about it, but he can tell the façade is slipping. He catches Chris looking quizzically at him when he jerks himself awake from half-falling asleep on the couch, when he sits and watches Chris and Buck play in the park rather than joining in. He’s slipping. 

Pretty soon Buck is going to start noticing it, too, with as much time as they spend together. Then the team will notice. He imagines there will be an uncomfortable combination of irritation and pity thrown his way when it happens. So he does his best to avoid it, acting as normal as he possibly can.

Today, it’s harder. He’d dropped Chris off at school and had nearly gotten into an accident on the way to work - he’d yawned, closing his eyes, and had almost slammed into the back of the truck in front of him. So he wasn’t in the best mood to begin with. 

Then, everyone at the station was getting on his nerves. He knew they weren’t doing it on purpose, but every spoon dropped in the kitchen, every shout of laughter from people playing videogames, every squeak of a shoe on the floor, made him feel like punching something. But he was too tired to work out, so he kept the irritation inside of him. 

“Hey, Eds, you want a turn?” Buck calls to him from across the room. He’s sitting in front of the TV with Chim, who is doing a victory dance as the screen proclaims him the winner. “Fair warning, Chim cheats.”

“I do  _ not!” _

He shakes his head.

Evidently, Buck doesn’t see. “Eddie? You wanna play?”

“I  _ said  _ no,” he snaps, wincing when Buck’s face falls. He might go over to apologize, but just then the alarm rings, far too loudly for his liking. 

He trudges down the stairs, too tired to completely pick up his feet, and slumps into his seat in the truck. He catches Buck giving him a look from his spot in the driver’s seat, but then he turns around to pull the truck out of the station, leaving Eddie to stare out the window and ignore everything else going on around him. 

When they arrive at the scene, Eddie’s the last out of the truck. As the team makes its way towards their victim (a man with his entire arm stuck inside a vending machine), Buck bumps Eddie’s shoulder in a way Eddie  _ knows  _ is meant to be friendly. He flinches away anyway. 

“What’s up?” he asks, and he sounds so genuinely concerned for Eddie’s wellbeing that Eddie half wants to punch him. “You’re acting weird.”

He shrugs, stepping away from Buck, kneeling down next to the victim. “Didn’t sleep well last night,” he says, which isn’t exactly a lie. 

They manage to get the guy out after a few minutes of careful maneuvering, and he emerges relatively unscathed, hand wrapped around the candy bar he’d been in the middle of grabbing. He thanks them for their assistance and asks whether the vending machine will be okay, and then ambles off, unwrapping his candy. 

The team heads back to their vehicles, Bobby and Buck leading the pack, Buck talking animatedly about something, gesturing with his hands. Chim and Hen walk behind them, and Eddie hears Hen laugh, sees Chimney shake his head at something. He himself walks behind the group, forcing his feet to keep moving. His head pounds - he’s had a headache all week, but in the last half-hour it’s intensified, and every time he moves it feels like something is being slammed into his skull. He briefly considers sitting down right there, in the middle of a parking lot, just to catch his breath. He decides against this because he is genuinely worried that he wouldn’t be able to get back up.

“Eddie,” he hears Bobby call, and he looks up to see that everyone else is back in their spots in the truck and ambulance, save for him. 

“Coming,” he says, though it sounds so quiet to his own ears that there’s no way that Bobby had heard him. 

He takes a step - and then he’s falling. He feels his palms scrape against asphalt, feels his cheek press into the rough surface. He thinks about standing up, but that’s all the action he’s able to take on the matter.

He hears footsteps run up to him. Someone rolls him over so he’s on his back. Hands press to his neck, checking his pulse. His eyes are opened, and a light shines into them. He flinches away from it, turning his head. 

“Eddie? You awake?”

“Always,” he slurs out, moving to push himself up. A hand rests on his arm, pushes him down. 

“Hold on there,” Hen says. “You just collapsed. You’re not going anywhere.”

He doesn’t say anything. 

“Your breathing’s a little shallow, but otherwise your vitals are normal,” Chim says. “Nothing that would have caused you to collapse.”

“I’m _ fine,” _ he snaps. “Let me get up.”

A hand is placed on his shoulder - Buck’s hand. “He said he didn’t sleep too good last night,” Buck offers, as Chim dabs his hands with something that makes them sting. 

“One night of bad sleep wouldn’t do this,” Hen says, as Chimney moves on to bandaging his hands. 

“Eddie,” says Bobby, “when was the last time you slept?”

He doesn’t know. He shrugs. 

_ “Eddie,” _ Hen’s voice leaves no room for argument. 

“I  _ don’t know,” _ he mutters. “Can’t.”

“What do you mean you can’t?” Chim asks, putting a hand to his forehead.

“‘M not sick.”

“Well,  _ something’s  _ the matter,” Buck says. “You’ve been off all day - actually, all week. Quiet. Kinda snappy.”

“What’s going on?” asks Bobby. 

“I can’t -” He can’t do this here, can’t admit that he’s terrified to sleep, in a way he hasn’t been since he first returned from Afghanistan. He  _ can’t  _ be weak. Not like this.

Nobody says anything for a long minute. Eddie’s eyes are closed, but he imagines his teammates exchanging glances over his body. 

After a bit, he feels Bobby gently grab his freshly-bandaged hand, and then he’s being pulled to his feet. Bobby all but carries him to the truck, and Eddie breathes a mental sigh of relief to feel the leather seat underneath him, instead of the gurney in the back of the ambulance, which he’d feared they’d force him into. 

Someone reaches across him and buckles his seatbelt, and he leans his head back against the seat as the truck starts moving.

When they arrive back at the station, Eddie fumbles with his seatbelt and manages to get it off, then forces himself to his feet, where he wavers for a second before carefully stepping out of the truck. 

Immediately, Hen is next to him, letting him grab onto her arm when he stumbles. “Easy there,” she tells him, and carefully leads him upstairs, Chim walking very closely behind them like he thinks Eddie’s going to fall backwards at any minute.

Once they are safely upstairs, Hen guides Eddie to the couch and eases him down. She leaves, and a second later she’s pressing a cool bottle of water into his hands. He looks at it. Chim takes it from his hands and opens it, handing it back. “Drink it,” he says sternly, in a voice Eddie just  _ knows  _ he’s gonna get a lot of mileage out of when his new kid comes. 

He drinks some of the water with shaking hands. If Chim and Hen notice this, they don’t say anything, a fact he’s grateful for. Hen takes the bottle from him when he’s finished, and Chim pats him on the leg, and then they both get up as someone else approaches. He very slowly turns his head to look. 

Buck stands at the end of the couch, smiling softly at him, not a trace of irritation or pity on his face. He walks over to Eddie, extending a hand. Eddie grabs it, letting Buck pull him to his feet and slip an arm around his waist. 

“Let’s get you some sleep, okay?” Buck asks.

Eddie shakes his head. He  _ can’t, _ no matter how much his body might want to. 

“Okay,” Buck says, not arguing. “You don’t have to sleep. But you  _ are  _ going to lay down.”

Eddie agrees to that, and they enter the bunkroom, which is empty, seeing as how it’s the middle of the day. Buck pulls Eddie along to his usual bed and gently guides him down. 

Without a word, Buck takes off Eddie’s shoes, and then his own. Eddie stretches out along the bed, turning his body to face the wall. He feels Buck sit down beside him, feels the bed move as Buck gets himself comfortable. Neither of them says anything. Eddie tries desperately to keep his eyes open. 

“You can sleep, Eddie,” Buck says quietly. 

“I can’t,” Eddie whispers. “I’m afraid.”

The admission slips from him a good deal easier than he’d thought it would. “I’m afraid,” he repeats. “Every time I close my eyes, I’m back underground…” he trails off, not wanting to elaborate. “I  _ can’t, _ Buck. What kind of coward can’t even fall asleep?” he asks, half to himself. 

“Eddie,” Buck says, sounding stern for the first time all day. _ “Eddie,”  _ he repeats, putting a hand to his back. “You are the furthest thing from a coward. You went through something traumatizing, and your brain knows that. It keeps reminding you every time you fall asleep. But your body doesn’t know that. It just knows it’s exhausted. You  _ have  _ to sleep.”

“But-”

Buck doesn’t let him protest. “And I  _ know  _ that’s scary, and I know there’s not a lot I can do to help, but I can say this. When I said I had your back, I meant it. I am  _ always  _ gonna be here for you, Eds, whether that means working together on a call or this right here. Anything. I promise I won’t leave you.”

Eddie takes a deep breath, letting his eyes close at last. 

“That’s it,” says Buck, and Eddie feels his hand brush through his hair, a repetitive, calming motion. “Let yourself sleep.”

It’s not a magic fix by any means, but when the alarm rings three hours later, Eddie wakes up from a nightmare-less sleep feeling a good deal more alive, with Buck still pressed to his back, just as he’d promised.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading this!! i feel like the ending may have been a little wonky but it is what it is. i hope that you liked it and if you did please please leave a comment you will make my day!


End file.
